I find that I have no control over my feelings – I have no idea where they come from, am bewildered by their intensity and dismayed by the turmoil they can promote. Like prowling predators, say a grizzly bear in my attic, emerging to ambush me when I least expect it.
Choice
What I have learned though, is that I can choose what to do with them.
I can focus on them, nurture them and wallow in them. That makes them determinative of my mood, and that in turn controls my reactions to life in general spilling over into behavior. They are in control, they are the landscape in which I live, I am trapped as a victim.
Or I can choose to take control. I do this by examining them and deciding if they are valid. By that I mean, if they are a reflection of unrealistic expectations, harsh self-judgement, embarrassment, shame, or … ?They invite me to remain mired in them, trapped by them, controlled by them, but I can evaluate them and decide that they belong in the rearview mirror, not filling the windshield of my life. By weighing them up I can decide they are not worth entertaining.
Acceptance
By acknowledging them, examining them and recognizing them I find I am able to sigh deeply, and then view them as helpful because they have given me insight and I can take what I learned about myself and then walk into the future with a new confidence and maturity. Happiness is in this sense a choice. I cannot control how and when the emotions arise, but I can choose to change my point of view about them. Then something significant occurs – that elusive thing called happiness is no longer all consuming. (Generally happiness is realized in retrospect, I experience it when I reflect afterwards on a happy event or interaction.)
A Human Becoming – not a Human Being
The remarkable thing is that I then experience contentment. Contented with who I am, joyful that I am a human becoming who learns from the past; expects more misery in future learning experiences, but know it is part of the rounding out of my personality. Also, it enables me to be sensitive to the moods of those around me. Contentment is a learned state of joyful acceptance, happiness is a yo-yo of conflicting misery. Contentment promotes wholeness, replacing woundedness.
Perspective is essential to every problem: it resituates us and reveals the way ahead,
Instead
How do I escape the quicksand of all encompassing sorrow or anxiety or sadness? A train heading to a washed out bridge needs the switch thrown that will change its track to a safe siding called Contentment. “Stop it!” as a command adds to the stress because like an endless looping video it will not cease. Paul writes in Philippians 4 “Do not worry about anything.” As a blunt command it is cruel, because I then add the worry that I cannot stop worrying to the worry intensifying its terror. He finishes the thought, “Instead .. by prayer, with thanksgiving, make your request known.” Do something else instead. “Instead” is the switch that changes the track of the train.
Prayer with Thanksgiving
Prayer captures the practice that focuses on the worship God. So, I immediately set the problem to one side and engage fully in contemplating God.
He is our Creator: “Try to realize what this means—the Lord is God! He made us—we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Go through his open gates with great thanksgiving; enter his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name. For the Lord is always good. He is always loving and kind, and his faithfulness goes on and on to each succeeding generation.” (ps 100:3-5)
He is our Savior: “…. as I worship, giving thanks to you for all your loving-kindness and your faithfulness, for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name. When I pray, you answer me and encourage me by giving me the strength I need.” Psalm 138:3
He is a Redeemer: “For you know what was paid to set you free from the worthless manner of life …. It was not something that can be destroyed, such as silver or gold; it was the costly sacrifice of Christ, who was like a lamb without defect or flaw.” 1 Peter 1:18-19. ” “But the LORD says, Do not cling to events of the past
or dwell on what happened long ago.
19 Watch for the new thing I am going to do.
It is happening already—you can see it now!
I will make a road through the wilderness
and give you streams of water there.” Isaiah 43:18-19
He is our Companion. In Psalm 23 replace the personal pronouns with my name. “The Lord is Anton’s shepherd. Anton shall not want.” And so on. Be astonished by this! “He prepares a banquet for Anton,
He welcomes Anton as an honored guest
and fills Anton’s cup to the brim.”
Let the astonished delight be expressed in thanks giving.
Request, not Demand
Now make a request, not a demand. Only now, and not before prayer and thanksgiving, do I make a request. It is a request, not a panic stricken screaming demand. And in the light of the prayer, my request may be more like desire for a closer walk with the Shepherd rather than an outright deliverance from the situation; a yearning to let the peace that floods my being with contentment be mirrored in the situation as a testimony to His Living Presence, or asking for wisdom in the fulness of the Holy Spirit. So it it becomes a dynamic process that is like the heavy flywheel of an engine, it keeps momentum going even when the engine is idling.
Practice Makes Contentment
Paul says, and I affirm, it is a state of consciousness that is learned through practice. Just as a skill is obtained through an apprenticeship, so must we practice this dynamic of “Instead”. Every time some emotion disturbs you, determine that you will immediately set the circumstance aside, contemplate God with thanksgiving, and request His Shepherding. Ultimately it will become your reflex action, but only if you take the first faltering steps and make progress through continued practice.
progressingpeople 